Chapter Fifty: The Ticket Gamblers

The evening after spilling her guts to Don, Alessi spun into this cute purple dress thing.

Alessi: Lookie Voice! I got my baby bump!
Yup! That's to be expected. You are pregnant after all.
Alessi: Do you think that the baby'll be pink?
Maybe.
Alessi: I hope so. I like the idea that there's a pink thing inside of me.
Well you can speculate about that later! There's business to be taken care of, first.
Alessi: What business?
You have to age up Erik!
Alessi: Bleh.
Oh come on, you know how this goes! 
Alessi: I know, I know, whenever I'm preggers the kids are all aged up.
Yeah, that's right!
Alessi: But that seems like such a hassle!
Oh would you just go get it over with?!
Alessi: Can't we just do it in the morning? I'm soooo tired after telling my life story to Don today!
Fine. Whatever. As long as it gets done soon. 

Erik: Mama, ish my birthday!
Alessi: Just blow out the candles. I wanna go relax.
Erik: But I dun' know how to!
Alessi: What? What the heck is wrong with you?
He's a toddler!
Alessi: He's practically a child!
Well, he isn't one yet! You're his mother, help him out a bit, won't ya?
Alessi: I don't want to!
Erik: Mama, who you talking to?

Alessi: Nevermind. Just do what I do, okay?
Erik: Otay Mama.

Erik aged up into such a little cutie! I see a good mix between Don and Alessi in him. Anyways, he rolled the Hot Headed trait. Should be entertaining!

Immediately after Erik's party, Alessi passed out in the rocking chair

Erik: Hark! It's the great white whale! She's a big one alright, and she's...She's a redhead! Oh the humanity! She's coming right for the ship!

Erik: Battle stations! Battle stations, everyone! If she wants a fight, she's gonna get a fight!

After pretending to shoot torpedoes at his mother, Erik starts to teach himself how to play chess. He get's pretty good at it too, considering he is just a beginner.

Geoffrey Landgraab ended up showing up with his kid a short time later, as well as  with the smallest, brightest little fairy wings I've ever seen.

Erik: UGH! Who's the at the door?! I'm trying to practice!

Malcolm: Hello there!
Erik: Hey. Who are you?
Malcolm: My name is Malcolm. I live just next door.
Erik: That's cool. Why are you here?
Malcolm: My father was concerned that I wasn't getting enough social interaction, so I thought you and I could um, 'hang out'.
Erik: Look dude, that sounds terrible, and frankly, I'm in the middle of practicing chess...
Malcolm: Oh! I love chess! I could play against you!
Erik: Well... I could use some experience playing against a real person.... Oh, okay, come on in.
Malcolm: Excellent!

Malcolm: Hey, you're pretty good at this.
Erik: I know.
Malcolm: Why don't we make this a little more interesting?
Erik: Funny, I thought a nerd like you would find chess interesting enough as it is.
Malcolm: Well my father gave  me fifty simoleans to order a pizza.
Erik: Fifty bucks?! What kind of pizza costs fifty bucks?!
Malcolm: My dad is sort of out of touch with the real world.
Erik: Obviously.
Malcolm: But instead I'll bet you fifty simoleans that I win this game.
Erik: No way! I don't have fifty bucks!
Malcolm: Well, then what do you have?

Erik: Nothing of value! Except...
Malcolm: Except, what?
Erik: My dad bought me some baseball tickets...
Malcolm: Oh. I don't really like sports.
Erik: I didn't think you did.
Malcolm: But my dad does... Hmmm.... Okay, it's a bet!
Erik: Fine. I hope you are prepared to lose your money, chump!

Malcolm: I am most unprepared, because I have... CHECKMATE!
Erik: WHAT?! NO WAY!
Malcolm: Hand over those tickets you nit!

Erik: I'm not giving you my tickets, you turd face!
Malcolm: I won the game fair and square!
Erik: You know you were about to win! That's not fair!
Malcolm: Yes. Yes, it is fair!
Erik: You aren't getting my tickets, scumbag.
Malcolm: Yes I am! Or else I'm going to tell my father on you!

Erik: Get the hell out my house.

Erik: Mom?
Alessi: Yes, Don Spawn?
Gosh, Alessi, put a shirt on! You're going to scar your kid for life!
Alessi: Shut up, Voice!
Erik: Mom, I really need to talk to you.
Alessi: Okay, okay. What?
Erik: Mom, I bet some baseball tickets that Dad gave me on a chess game, and I lost.
Alessi: So?
Erik: So I don't wanna give 'em up! And Malcolm's going to tell his dad on me!
Alessi: Just ignore him. I ignore all my problems, and I turned out just fine.
Yeah, right! 
Alessi: Didn't I just tell you to SHUT UP Voice?!
Erik: .... I'm in trouble.

Later that night, Alessi was working on a trashy novel that she entitled "Your Lips Say No, But Your Eyes Say 'Take Me'".
Erik: Eww! What reeks?!
Alessi: I got all sweaty writing about all the passionate love making.

Alessi: OW! Here we go again!

Erik: Ahhh! What's going on?! Are you in labor?!
Alessi: Stop yelling, Don Spawn! You're stressing me out!
Erik: Well, shouldn't we go to the hospital or something?!
Alessi: No, I usually just give birth right here.
Erik: Huh?! Does a midwife come, or...
Alessi: No. Usually it's just me. And sometimes Voice.
Erik: That's crazy!
Alessi: It's how things are done here. Either get used to it or get out!

Erik: Fine! I'm going to bed! Have a good labor, you weirdo!

After a quick and painful labor, Alessi gave birth to baby #32, Henry Bright

He was born with the traits Adventurous and Perspective

And here is his twin, baby #33, Ryan Bright

He was born with the traits Adventurous and Friendly

Two little adventurous boys! So cute! I named Henry after Indiana Jones, but Ryan isn't really named after anybody. I just thought up the name. Oh well, Ryan sure is a little doll despite the utter lack of a cool namesake. He's pink, for crying out loud! Alessi will be pleased.

Chapter Forty Nine: Sitting in a tree, W-O-O-H-O-O

Alessi: I'm just saying, I don't see why I can't just pop out the babies and then put them up for adoption!
Because that isn't the challenge!
Alessi: I don't care about the challenge! Erik is driving me crazy!
Oh come on! He's adorable!
Alessi: He won't stop crying! I mean seriously!

Erik: Mama! Mama I'm huuuungwy!
Alessi: You see?!
You could always, oh, I don't know, FEED HIM!
Alessi: Won't make a difference! Watch!

Erik: Mama! Mama, I wanna milky! I WANNA MILKY!
Alessi: Okay, okay! Here I am, Erik! I'm going to get you something to eat now!
Erik: I wanna milky, Mama! I wanna milky NOW!

Erik: Mmmm...
See, Alessi? All better now!
Alessi: Wait for it...

Erik: Mama! MAMA! MAAAMMMMAAAAA!
Alessi: See? SEE?! He is such a nasty little thing!
He's starved for attention. You don't love him enough!
Alessi: Since when is that my job?!
You're his MOTHER!
Alessi: Ugh! Don't you start yelling at me too!
Sorry. But look, if it makes you feel any better, I can hook you up with some woohoo!
Alessi: YES! YES PLEASE!
Alrighty then! Grab your things, and your kid! We're going to the park!

Alessi: Voice, what is this wheely child holding device?
Oh, that's called a stroller!
Alessi: Fascinating.

Alessi: So where am I going, exactly?
Dustin: Hey! Lady! Get the hell out of the field! We're in the middle of a game!
Alessi: Up yours, you winged freak of nature!

Erik: Mama! Mama! I wanna go home!
Alessi: Shhh! I don't want to heat you crying anymore!
Erik: But Mama! I don't like the park! Nature is icky!

Cycl0n3: Hey Alessi! Get out of the way!
Stiles: Yeah! We're trying to play!
Alessi: Shut up! I'm on the prowl!
Cycl0n3: For what? Another sperm donor? How many kids do you have now, Alessi?
Alessi: None of your business, nerd!
Cycl0n3: I just want to know how many siblings my DAUGHTER has!
Just ignore him, Alessi. The new guy is right over there.
Alessi: Huh! See you later, haters! I'm going to go get some action!
Cycl0n3: USE PROTECTION THIS TIME! Bitch.

Alessi: So where is he?
Right there! In the flowers!
Alessi: That guy? The.... The PINK guy?!
Yup! That right there is Roman Mullen.
Alessi: Oh, Voice! A PINK GUY! Will he give me pink babies?!
Possibly.
Alessi: HE WILL BE MINE!

Alessi: Hi there, pinky pie! I'm Alessi!
Roman: Hi, Alessi! I'm Roman! *grins* And who's this little guy?
Alessi: Oh, this is my son, Erik! Say hi, Erik!
Erik: I wanna go home!
Alessi: Oh Erik!*laughs* Aint he a doll?
Roman: He's cute! But not as cute as you!

Alessi: You're not too bad yourself, Roman. Pink in a very good color on you.
Roman: Why thank you.
Alessi: And I'm sure that it will be a very good color in me. Why don't you and I...
Erik: Mama! His bweath smell bad!

Alessi: Hey, why don't you wait down here till Mommy's all done?
Erik: No Mama! The ground is icky!
Didn't you learn anything from Casper?!
Alessi: Who's Casper?
Your son! You left him on a porch while you were hooking up with Darshan and scarred him for life!
Alessi: Oh! I remember Darshan! He was fun.
Roman: What are you talking about?
Alessi: Nothing, just trying to calm my kid down!

Alessi: Soooo like I was saying... Why don't we head back to my place and make some magic, if you know what I mean.
Roman: What, is that some kind of innuendo for sex?
Alessi: Well, duh, of course it is!
Roman: Okay! I haven't done anything freaky in a while!
Alessi: Oh, you into deviant stuff? Well I can definitely help you out with that!
Ugh! Ew! *gags*
Alessi: Shut up!
Roman: What? I didn't say anything!
Alessi: Oh, but you are having doubts, I can feel it! I'm just telling your doubts to stop talking and let things happen.
Roman: Wow, you are so appealing. I would love to do things with you.
Alessi: Well, come along Mister Pink, and I shall show you all the world has to offer!

Alessi tossed Erik into the backseat and drove Roman to her house

Hey, Alessi? You know you can't do anything TOO sketchy with Roman, right?
Alessi: Oh, shut the hell up, Voice! I will punch you out!
It's just that this whole thing has been iffy for quite a while, and I wouldn't want to push it anymore into inappropriate territory. 
Alessi: Well, I promised him something deviant! How am I supposed to keep his attention if I can't do anything freaky?!
Well, you don't need something freaky. Maybe just something weird.
Alessi: What do you suggest?

Alessi: What is that?!
A tree house!
Alessi: A house in a tree? That certainly is weird!
Yup!
Alessi: But the question remains... Can I woohoo in it?
You can indeed!
Alessi: SCORE!

Roman: What's wrong Alessi? Why do you keep talking to yourself?
Alessi: Oh, I just think I might be going crazy...
Roman: Crazy?
Alessi: Yes, your sheer amount of sexiness is making me go insane!
Roman: Oh my *laughs* What should we do?
Alessi: The only cure for my insanity is to go have woohoo in the tree house out back.
Roman: Tree house woohoo? I've never heard of that before.
Alessi: Wanna go give it a shot?
Roman: Of course I do! Let's do it!

Alessi: Wow, this is great!
Roman: Ow! I got a splinter!

While Alessi was busy in the tree house, I had a babysitter come over to take care of Erik
Erik: You a nice wady. You nicer than Mama
Babysitter: Sure, kid. Want to some more milk?
Erik: Yay!

Roman: Thanks, Alessi! That was great! I have to get home now, I forgot it was my dad's birthday!
Alessi: Wait! Stop! I haven't dumped you yet!

Alessi: Am I going to have to go over his house now?
Nah, I'm sure he heard you.




The next morning, I found Alessi heading out with Erik.

Hey Alessi! Where are going?
Alessi: To Don's house. He called me and he said he wanted to meet his kid.
Awww.... That's so nice!
Alessi: Yeah, well, I just want to rant to him some more. It was fun the first time.

Don: Alessi!
Alessi: Hi Don!
Don: Is this my kid?
Alessi: Yup! This is Erik. He's got your eyes and stuff
Don: Well, come on in! I just made some salad.
Alessi: Awesome!

Alessi: You know, ordinarily I'd say you could take Erik for your own, but I'm stuck on to stupid rules and I can't give him up.
Don: Oh, that's alright. I'd make a pretty screwy full time dad, anyways. I just wanted to meet my spawn.

Don: Can I hold him, though? Do you mind?
Alessi: Sure, go right ahead. I going to the bathroom. Help yourself!

Don: Heeey buddy. Do you know who I am?
Erik: Noo.
Don: I'm your daddy!
Erik: Dada?
Don: Yeah, that's right! I'm your daddy!

Don: Oh, look out! Mr. Tickles is coming to get you!
Erik: Wha?
Don: Here he comes! He's going to tickle you!

Don: Oh no! Here he is!
Erik: Heeheeheehee!

Erik: Dada you so silly!
Don: Heh, yeah, I'm silly. Real silly.
Erik: Dada can I wive with you? Pweeaassee?
Don: Oh no, no, buddy, that would never work out. Trust me.

Alessi: Don! Don! Can I talk to you?
Don: Ooh, looks like your mother is calling me! Better go see what's going on.
Erik: No, Dada! NO!
Don: I'll be back, buddy, just wait a minute.
Erik: But dada...

Don: What's up, Alessi?
Alessi: I lost my tree house virginity last night to a super hot pink guy.
Don: Oh, that sounds cool! I've never done it in a tree house before. How is it?
Alessi: It's AMAZING! But I just decided, moments ago while I was peeing, that I need to tell you about WHY I was doing it in a tree house.
Don: ...'Kay

Alessi: I am being forced against my will to have a hundred babies by my creator for her own sick amusement. And I can hear her in my head.

Don: What the...?
Alessi: I know it sounds CRAZY, but it's true!
Don: So that's why you have thirty kids?
Alessi: Yes! Nobody believes that it wasn't my idea to do that!

Alessi: You believe me, Don, don't you?
Don:... Well, I certainly believe that you hear voices, if that's what you mean.... It certainly explains a lot...
Alessi: Yes! Awesome! Somebody I can rant to about Voice's jerkiness!
Oh come on, I'm not so bad!
Alessi: Yes are you stupid voice! I despise you and your ridiculous challenge... Though I do like the guys you send for me. They're pretty cool.
Don: Heh... Well, you wanna ell Voice I said hi?
Alessi: Don says hi!
I know that! I can hear him, you know!
Alessi: So what, you can hear everybody but I'm the only one who can hear you?
Yeah, pretty much.
Alessi: That's not fair!
Don: What did it say?
Alessi: She said that she's a stupid jerk and that she has no friends!
I did not!
Alessi: And she also says that she's a socially starved teenager and that she has no friends.
UGH!