Thursday, April 24, 2014

Chapter Fifty Two: Spooky Day

Don: So, you're pregnant again?
Alessi: Yep.
Don: And how many is this?
Alessi: I dunno. Somewhere in the thirties I think.
Don: Would you just leave me alone?!

Alessi: I'm getting real sick of this pregnancy thing, Don.
Don: Well, then stop getting pregnant!
Alessi: I can't. Voice won't let me.
Yeah! That's right!
Alessi: Shut up, I'm trying to have a social life!
Don: Um... Sorry?
Alessi: Oh! No, not you, Don! It's just that stupid Voice keeps on talking and it's sooo annoying!
Don: Oh. Alright then.
Alessi: I'm feeling peckish. I think I'm gonna go hijack someone's picnic. Wanna come?
Don: Nah. I'm not hungry.
Alessi: Pfft. Your loss.

Erik: See Dad! I told you that she's crazy!
Don: I know you did, buddy.
Erik: Can I come live with you now?!
Don: No way kid. Your mother may be nuts, but I'm a terrible parent.
Erik: No! No you aren't!
Don: Yes, yes I am, Erik! And frankly, I don't think you should be talking to your mother like that.
Erik: But Dad! She's INSANE! She hears Voices and talks to herself! It's ridiculous!
Don: She is still your mother, and she deserves your respect.

Don: Look, why don't you go eat some dinner with her? She's all alone and I think she'd like the company.
Erik: On the ground?! I don't wanna eat on the ground! Nature is so gross!
Don: Erik. Please.
Erik: *sigh* Fiiiiinnneee....

Malcolm: Hey!
Erik: Get out of my way, you stupid walking blob!
Malcolm: Your mom disrupted my family's meal!
Erik: Good. Now move. I'm supposed to be eating with her.
Malcolm: Not so fast, urchin. The price of admission is one sports ticket.
Erik: Seriously? Dude, I went to that game already. The tickets are gone.
Malcolm: Whaaa...?

Erik: And listen, if you don't let me by, I will smash your glasses over your face, and then shove your head into the ocean for five minutes and WATCH YOU DROWN!
Malcolm: I-I'm going to t-tell my father you said that!
Erik: You really think I care who you tell?
Malcolm: Uhm....

Malcolm ended up fleeing in terror, and Erik joined his mother on the ground. Don came over a minute or two later, so the three ended up having a lovely family moment.

Meanwhile, at home, the babysitter was hard at work taking care of the little ones.
Henry: I wuv you, babysitter. Will you be my girlfwiend?
Babysitter: Not a chance, kid.
Henry: But you so pwetty! And our hair match!
Babysitter: You're just a baby. It'll never work out.
Henry: I be big someday! Then you be my girlfwiend?
Babysitter: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Alessi: Oh Pinks! I'm hooome!
Babysitter: Oh, looks like I'm outta here. Seeya, kid.
Henry: No, no! Don't go! I wuv you!

What happened to the computer?
Alessi: I think I took my story of passion too far.
Oh lord. What did you do?!
Alessi: I was writing about Alfonzo's special moves.
Alessi: He's my dream guy. He has golden tan skin and long flowing hair and rippling muscles. Plus he's great in bed. Like really great.
I see.
Alessi: So great, in fact, that words couldn't describe it. So I tried other ways to express it.
W-What does that mean?
Alessi: It means doing certain things to a computer makes the keyboard burst into flames.
Erik: OH MY GOD!
Alessi: Huh? Oh, hi Erik.
Alessi: Why would you want to?
Alessi! You just traumatized your kid! Show some sympathy.
Alessi: Can't. Alfonzo likes me cold and rough

Alessi spent the entire night writing. After finishing her dirty novel, she moved on to writing a horror story.
Alessi: I called it "It's In My Head"
Oh wow. I wonder what that's about.
Alessi: I'm so glad you asked! 
I was being sarcastic
Alessi: It's about a beautiful, wonderful, charming, sexy, intelligent young woman who is forced to become a baby factory after a bug crawls up her ear and into her brain. It's based on a true story.
I am not a bug.
Alessi: Well, I'm not entirely sure what you look like.
Not a bug.
Alessi: I like to imagine you as a millipede. But then I get scared that there's a millipede in my head and then I imagine Alfonzo to make myself feel better.
Ew. Great. Thanks.

The next morning, Alessi aged up the kids, since she was pregnant and that's how this thing works.
Erik: I wish my dad could be here to see me become a teen.
Alessi: Well, he can't! He's at work.
Erik: Why can't I just age up later than?!
Alessi: Because we're doing this now! Now hurry up!
Alessi: Sounds like someone is just begging to clean the toilets again!

Erik aged up nicely. Don always produces cute babies. He gained the Loner trait.

Alessi: Alright Henry, it's party time!
Henry: Yay! Imma be a big boy!
Alessi: Yep. Now, I would rather we hurry this along. Pinks birthday is next and I'm excited to see him as a little pink child.
You are completely appalling.
Alessi: Appalling? Is that a word?
Yes! It means you are terrible! This is Henry's big moment!
Alessi: I wish it was Pinks big moment!

Alessi: Alright,  you, just age up here or whatever. I'm going to go grab Pinks!
Henry: Mama! I'm gonna be old enough to be babysitter's boyfriend!
Alessi: Oh, that's nice. You're taking after me in the romance department.
Oh geeze.

Henry: Here I come, babysitter!

Henry aged up SO CUTE! I dressed him a little like Indiana Jones, except without the hat and stuff. He is also the second of Alessi's kids to have glasses (I think). He gained the Neurotic trait.

I have never heard you sing before.
You sound terrible. Stop.

Erik: Yay! Happy birthday little pink freak!
Alessi: Shut up, Erik! Pinks is my most beautiful child!
Pinks: Momma, my name Ryan!
Alessi: No it's not, dear! Now, blow out your candles and make a wish!
Pinks: I wish you call me Ryan...

Henry: Oh, be careful Pinks! The cake might spontaneously combust!
Erik: I hope it does. Then it might take out Mom.

Pinks turned out cute as well! I forgot to write down his new trait, but oh well. Look, pink Mohawk!

Alessi: Hey, Pinks! Where are you going?
Pinks: Mom, my name is RYAN!
Alessi: You didn't answer my question.
Pinks: *sigh* Me and Henry and Erik are going out trick or treating!
Alessi: Trick or treating?
Pinks: Yeah! Cause it's Spooky Day!
Alessi: Spooky Day?
It's new.
Alessi: I hate all this new stuff, Voice! Make it stop!
You'll get used to all of it eventually. 
Alessi: I don't want to have to!

Erik took off ahead of his brothers to the closest house, which happened to belong to the Landgraabs.

However, no one was home to hand out candy, so Erik just stood fuming in the rain.

Henry: Erik? Erik, I wanna go home! It's too rainy to be doing this!
Pinks: Yeah, this is lame! We don't even have any costumes! Come on Henry, let's go!
Erik: No wait! Hang on guys! Let's just try one more house!
Henry: Can we wear costumes this time?
Erik: Sure, whatever.

The boys then spun into their Spooky Day costumes. Erik went as Jason from Friday the Thirteenth, and the twins both went as aliens. They took a cab to the Alto house, thinking that that since they're rich, they might have the big candy bars.

Erik: Hey! Jerks! Open the door and give us candy!
Henry: I don't see anyone, Erik. Should I get my telescope?
Pinks: I'm tired of this! I'm heading home. You coming, Henry?
Henry: Yeah, I guess.
Erik: Fine! Be that way you little shrimps! Go home and relax in your hammocks like pansies!
Henry: Come on, Erik. It's getting dark. You should get home too.
Erik: Yeah, yeah. I'll be home later. I just wanna knock down these people's trash can first.
Pinks: Okay, have fun.

After Erik knocked down the trash can and kicked over their gnomes, he was outraged to see who was walking up to his house
Erik: HEY! Aren't you a member of the Alto family?!
Holly: Unfortunately.
Erik: Why aren't you at home handing out candy?!
Holly: I wanted to go out trick or treating!
Erik: You ruined my Spooky Day! You witch!
Holly: Actually, I'm supposed to be a tiger.
Erik: Get outta here! If you aren't going to give me candy, I'm not going to give you candy!
Holly: Aw man...

Henry: Sooo.... What are we doing again?
Erik: Well, since trick or treating sucked, we're going to celebrate Spooky Day by watching Gray Day Nine.
Henry: Gray Day Nine?!
Pinks: What happened to one through eight?
Erik: Not gory enough. Trust me, this stuff is the best.
Alessi: Keep it down! I'm trying to be a famous writer!
Alessi: I'm not old! I'm beautiful and witty! You're just jealous!

Henry: Ummm.... Pinks... You wanna go play tag or...
Pinks: My name is Ryan! And shhh! Something bad's about to happen!
Henry: Oh... Erm, guys, I'm really tired. I think that I need to get some shut eye.
Erik: Oh yeah right! You're such a wimp, Henry!

Henry: Me?! A wimp?!
Erik: You're a wittle baby scaredy cat!
Henry: I am not! I'm just sleepy!
Erik: It's just a movie, Henry! Be a man!
Henry: I wish I was a man! Then I can go run off with the babysitter.
Erik: *laughs* You're so pathetic!
Pinks: Ah, just leave him alone! Come on, Henry. I'm sort of tired too.
Erik: *snorts* You two are such losers.

That night, Erik dreamed of destruction. It made him happy.

Alessi: Ow! Oh Voice, I hate this part so much!
Just breath through it. In, out, in out...

Geeze, sorry, I'm just trying to help!
Alessi: You've helped enough, don't you think?! After all, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in labor with my, like, thirty eighth kid right now!
It's not your thirty eighth! And anyways, you should be good at this by now. You have enough experience.
Alessi: It still hurts, you know! It hurts a lot!

Alessi: Oh, I wish Alfonzo was here! He would take my pain away!
Oh please. What good would a sexy guy be while you are in labor?
Alessi: He would dance, and I would smile, and everything would be okay.
What, do you want to traumatize your kids the second they come out of the womb?!
Alessi: I wouldn't mind it, as long as Alfonzo was there to rock my world

Without a sexy dancing man being present, Alessi gave birth to baby #34, Clyde Bright

He was born with the traits Loner and Easily Impressed

Clyde is the first real progress we've had in the challenge for a while, since Erik and the twins were just replacements for the three kids that ceased to exist. So now we can officially move forward to accomplish the goal! Hurray!

Friday, April 18, 2014

Chapter Fifty One: Talking in Fancy

Erik: The brave astronaut, after traveling many miles to the surface of the moon, peered around, looking for any signs of life.

Erik: He suspected that there may be an alien living on this presumably lifeless space rock! All he had to do was find it.

Erik: And there it is! A real life alien! The brave astronaut needs to capture it at once and bring it home for emergency dissection!
Alessi: Get out of my way, Erik. I'm trying to catch Pinks!

Who's Pinks?
Alessi: It's what I've decided to name this darling little boy right here.
Um, Alessi, his name is Ryan.
Alessi: You get to name all the kids, Voice! I think, after like 35 kids, I should have the right to name at least one of them! And I want this one to be named Pinks!

Pinks: But Momma, I dun' wanna be named Pinks!
Alessi: Hush, child! It's a beautiful name!
Pinks: My name Ryan!
Alessi: No! It's Pinks! Don't listen to Voice! She's nothing but a stupid harpy!

Henry: Mama! Ish dark in here!
Alessi: Not now, Henry! I'm playing with Pinks!
Henry: Buuuut Mama! I'm scaaared!

You never change, do you?
Alessi: What does that mean?
You always have a favorite twin! And then you treat the other one horribly. 
Alessi: I just like Pinks. He's all pink and stuff.
What about Oliver and Orion?
Alessi: Who?
Those twins you had a while ago! They both had pink hair!
Alessi: Oh, right. Well, that was an ugly shade of pink! It was nearly purple! Pinks' hair is nicer!
You never cease to surprise me with your ridiculousness.
Alessi: Why, thank you!
Wanna go meet the next baby daddy now?
Alessi: Oh yes, it's about time I get some more woohoo! Can I bring Pinks with me?
That seems like a bad idea. I remember once when you brought Casper...
Alessi: But Pinks wants to come! Right, Pinks?
Pinks: My name Ryan!
Alessi: See! He's game!
Ugh, fine. Do whatever you want.
Alessi: Hurray!

Alessi: Voice, why is the ground all discolored and stuff?
It's called frost. It's new.
Alessi: Well, I don't like it. It's COLD!
Pinks: Momma, look at frost! It pretty!
Alessi: Shush, Pinks, you have no idea what you're talking about!

Alessi: Oh, great! Now it's RAINING!
Oh, just calm down. At least you made it to the baby daddy's house!
Alessi: Yeeeeaahhh.... Who is he? Is he hot?
Why don't you go find out? He's right over there.

Alessi: Ooooh! He's a looker!
Yep! His name is Nicky Hart. Now go play nice.
Alessi: Yeah, yeah, yeah

Nicky: Curses! My affinity for thyself has been thwarted momentarily by the precipitation currently falling upon the earth.
Alessi: Yeah, I hate the rain too. Except sometimes it makes my shirt wet, so that's pretty nice.

Nicky: Hark! Where thou come from, young dame?
Alessi: My house. I was sent here on a mission.
Nicky: A mission you say?
Alessi: Yes. I am to woo you, and have your children.
Nicky: Well, I do admit that I enjoy the presence of babies very much.
Alessi: You won't have to pay child support or anything.
Nicky: I wasn't planning on doing so, but that is welcome news nevertheless.
Alessi: Cool! Should we go to your bedroom now, or...
Nicky: I am sorry miss, but I am disinclined to accept your request for an affair.
Alessi: Err... What? I didn't quite catch that.
Nicky: I am rejecting you, miss.

Alessi: Oh come on! Why don't we go on inside out of the rain and talk this out?
Nicky: We can discuss things to your heart's content, but I have doubts that my thoughts will change on the matter
Alessi: We'll just see about that...

Alessi: So here we are. Out of the rain.
Nicky: I can see that.
Alessi: It's just you and me. In this house. Alone...
Pinks: Momma, who that man?
Nicky: You are promoting of version of the current events that are not currently taking place.
Alessi:... What?
Nicky: I apologize, I just mean to say that you are wrong. We aren't alone. There's an imp in the room.
Alessi: Who, Pinks? He's not an imp, he's a kid!

Alessi: He's a cute little kid, though, isn't he? All pink and stuff?
Nicky: He is a comely little mite.
Alessi: ...I have no idea what you just said. But I'm assuming you meant he's cute, right?
Nicky: Indeed I did.
Alessi: Why, you and I could make an adorable little baby just like that! Wouldn't that be fun?

Nicky: I do suppose it wouldn't be too bad to be a father.
Alessi: Yes, well, I'm gonna be the one to take care of it mostly. As per the rules.
Nicky: Oh my, that is even better!

Alessi: Awesome! You're on board! Pucker up, big guy!
Nicky: Nay! Nay, I say!

Alessi: Oh! What is it now?!
Nicky: My deepest apologies, but I'm just not sure that I am prepared for such an affair.
Alessi: You tease!
Nicky: It is only that it would be an improvement if perhaps we were both more romantic before commiting towards such a deviant activity, don't you agree?
Alessi: That's stupid. However, I both want and need you inside me, so I will play your games.

Alessi: Here! Flowers! Flowers are romantic!
Nicky: Oh my! They are lovely!

Alessi: And here! A relaxing shoulder massage!
Nicky: Oh! That feels delightful!
Alessi: And would you like to hear what I plan to do if you woohoo with me?
Nicky: Well, I suppose...
Alessi: Lean in closer.

Alessi: *censored*

Nicky: Oh my! Miss Alessi, I would certainly like for my body to brush against yours if the words you just spoke are the indeed the truth.
Alessi: Oh yes, I meant every one of them.
Nicky: That is most excellent!

And with that, Nicky let Alessi kiss him.

Before quite literally carrying her to his bedroom.

Alessi: Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
Nicky: Oh absolutely!

So, did you have fun?
Alessi: He talked weird. And he made me WORK for the woohoo! Like, what the heck?!
Some people have standards.
Alessi: Life is better when standards don't exist.
But standards keep you away from all the low quality stuff about life!
Alessi: But sometimes low quality stuff is fun!
Like mindless woohoo?
Alessi: Exactly!

Erik: Look, Malcolm, I told you a million times I am not giving you my tickets! And if you tell your dad like a little snitch, I'm going to trash you all over the internet! Don't think I won't do it!
Henry: I wuv you, babysitter! Will you adopt me?
Babysitter: No way, kid. This is just a job.
Henry: Aww...

Alessi: Erik! Get over here!
Erik: Huh? What?
Alessi: Geoffry just called me! He said you screwed his kid over!
Erik: You stupid ugly bear! I told you I didn't want to give him my tickets already, and you said not to worry about it!
Alessi: Yeah, well, I'm still mad at you! Go clean the toilet!
Erik: But why? It has nothing to do with anything at all!
Alessi: Cause I don't want to! Now GO!

Erik: *grumbling* Ugh.... Stupid Mom.... Ugly and nasty and rude... Gonna go live with Dad...

Erik: Alright Mom, I'm done.
Alessi: Done with what?
Erik: Cleaning the toilet like you asked!
Alessi: Oh right. That.
Erik: Am I still being punished?
Alessi: Huh? ...Oh, right. No. I'm too busy for that now.
Erik: Aren't you writing a sex book.
Alessi: It's hard work! I have to use my imagination and stuff
Erik: Why can't you just talk about stuff you've already done?
Alessi: I'm writing out my fantasies. Now, go away. I have to think.

Pinks: Haha! Momma, you silly!
Erik: Shut up, Pinks!
Pinks: My name Ryan!