Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Chapter Forty Eight: Alessi Makes a Friend

Alessi: Look Voice! I'm flying!
No no, you are bouncing. There is a difference!
Alessi: Oh, don't be such a killjoy! Come on out of my skull and fly with me!
No, no thank you. And why are you jumping in heels? Isn't that dangerous?
Alessi: I'm a risk taker!
Since when?
Alessi: Spending two years in a void can change a girl, Voice. Life is too short to not take risks!
Your lifespan is set to Epic. You have time.
Alessi: Oooooh..... Well, in that case, I'm gonna go relax

Alessi: *snore*

Alessi: Ow! Oh! My stomach! What is the meaning of this?!
Looks like you have a bad case of morning sickness!
Alessi: Come again?
You're pregnant!
Alessi: I... I am not! It isn't possible!
In what way? You were doing it in the shower with Don last night, weren't you?
Alessi: Well, yeah, but everybody knows that it's impossible to get pregnant if you haven't been pregnant in a long, long time! And it has been a long, long time!
That's not how it works. That is never how it worked.
Alessi: I'm not pregnant... I'm not.... Uuuuuuggghhhhh....

Alessi: Blarg! Uuughhh....
Still think you aren't pregnant?
Alessi: I... I must have just swallowed some soap in the shower last night...
Yeah, right!
Alessi: Shut up, Voice! I think I know my body a little bit better than you! I am not pregnant!
Uh huh. Let's just see, shall we?

Alessi: Look Voice, I'm fine. I'm just hungry. I'm just going to cook up some waffles and...
Hey! Watch the stove! Watch the stove!

Oh crap!
Alessi: What is this?! What happened to my waffles?!
They're burning!
Alessi: Oh no! Save them, Voice! Save them!
I can't!
Alessi: Well, aren't you useless!
The fire department is on it's way! Just stay away from the flames and don't breath in the smoke! You don't want to hurt the baby!

Alessi: No way! I'm not pregnant! I can take care of this myself!
No, no! Stop it! Don't kill yourself!
Alessi: Calm down, Voice! I got this!
Then why are the flames spreading to the counter?!
Alessi: It's all an illusion, Voice! Don't worry, everything's under control!

Firefighter: Hey! Get away from the fire!
Alessi: Do you mind? I'm trying to prove to Voice that I'm a strong, capable, not-pregnant woman!
Firefighter: What are you, crazy?! Get back!

Firefighter: You need to be more careful! You could have burnt down the entire house!
Alessi: I'm quite at fault, Mister Firefighter. You should come into my bedroom and teach me a lesson
Firefighter: I don't think so, Ma'am.
Alessi: You prude!
Firefighter: Have a good day.

Later that night, Alessi woke up in the middle of the night to discover her stomach was growing

Alessi: Okay, I know what you're thinking, but I'm pretty sure that I'm just swelled up from all the fire and stuff.
Why don't you want to admit that you're pregnant?
Alessi: It isn't about whether I want to admit it or not, it's about if I am or not. And I'm not, so I won't.
*sigh* Well fine. Keep up with this madness if it so please you. In the meantime, I'm sending you off on a mission.
Alessi: Ooh! Is it a woohoo mission?
No, actually, it's quite the opposite. You have to go tell Don that you don't want to be with him anymore.
Alessi: Why? I've hardly ever done that before. Usually I just avoid their phone calls.
That's extremely jerky, though. It's better to just let him down easy.

Alessi: This is really weird.
You have to do it, Alessi.
Alessi: I hate being polite.
How do you know? You've never tried it before.
Alessi: Well I just know I'm going to hate it.
Oh, it's not that bad! Just be yourself! Except, you know, nicer.

What the heck are you wearing?!
Alessi: Shhhh! I'm working! *clears throat* Well hi there, Don!
Don: Oh, hey sexy thing! What's up?
Alessi: I came to give you bad news, but I figured you might like a lap dance first.
Alessi: Or maybe not. I could just shine your sneakers

Don: What's the bad news?
Alessi: Well, here's the thing. I was only really using you to get pregnant.
Alessi: ...But don't worry.... I'm not actually pregnant! But I still can't be with you anymore. It... Just doesn't fit my lifestyle, as all.

Don: Oh, that's awesome! I don't want to be with you anymore, either!
Alessi: Huh? What's that supposed to mean?!
Don: Oh, don't get me wrong, you're sexy as all hell. I'm just a kind of knock them and drop them kind of guy, y'know?
Alessi: Oh! That's how I feel, too! I've had woohoo with so many guys, I've lost count!
Don: Me too! Except, you know, girls.
Alessi: And sometimes I feel bad, cause they just keep calling and calling, and they don't get the hint!
Don: Ugh! Isn't that the worst?! Sometimes the chicks wanna get married! And I tell them, no, I don't work that way!
Alessi: Haha, don't I know it! Marriage hasn't even crossed my mind once, even with all the guys I've banged! For me, it's all about the woohoo!
And the babies! Don't forget the babies!
Alessi: Yup, the woohoo sure is great!

Don: Finally someone who understands!
Alessi: I know, this is a first! Nobody ever takes my feelings seriously or anything!
Don: Well, even if we aren't together anymore, we can still hang out and stuff, right? I mean, I don't wanna see you anymore, but I still think you're the coolest girl I've ever banged
Alessi:  Sure! I could use a break from babies now and again.
Don: You have kids?
Alessi: Yeah, like thirty of them.... It's long story.
Don: *laughs* Sounds likes it!
Alessi: I'll tell you about it later. My back is killing me and I wanna get home
Don: Okay. Call you later?
Alessi: Of course! I promise I'll pick up the phone! *laughs*

Alessi: So that was being polite? It was awesome! I wanna be polite all the time!
No, that was not being polite! I'm not sure what it was... Some kind of bizarre bonding, I guess. But it wasn't very polite
Alessi: Well I liked it! I've never had a real friend before!
Hey, what about me?
Alessi: Never in a million years would I consider you my friend.
Fair enough... But hey, you  realize that if you're friends with Don, he'll probably be the first daddy in the challenge who was an active part of their kid's life?
Alessi: No, because I'm not.... Hey, what the heck is that outside?!

Alessi: It's like water... Water falling from the sky!
Yes, Alessi. That's called rain.
Alessi: Is it new? It has to be new. I've never seen it before!
Yeah, I installed Seasons shortly after you ended up in the void.
Alessi:... I wanna touch it.
What? Why?
Alessi: It looks touchable. Like a guy. Except wetter.
Well, go ahead if you really want to. Just don't catch the flu.
Alessi: What's a flu?

Alessi: This is different. I don't think I like different.
It's not so bad! Just let it fall on you. It's harmless!

 Alessi: Oh my Plumbob! It's FREEZING!
Oh come on, it's not that bad!
Alessi: I'm done! I'm done, I'm done, I'm done! I hate rain! Hate it! I'm going back inside!

Geeze, Alessi, you've only been outside for like five seconds!
Alessi: What part of 'I'm done' don't you understand?!
The part where you were so excited about trying something new one second and extremely upset the next.
Alessi: Whatever. I'm going to admire myself in the mirror now. I don't need this.
Have fun.

Alessi: Ow! Oh!
What?What's the matter?
Alessi: Oh... nothing... Just soap again!

The baby's coming, Alessi! I told you that you're pregnant!
Alessi: I'm sure it's not... OW! I forgot how much this hurt...

Yes, Alessi WAS pregnant, and it was with the new Baby #31, Erik Bright!

He was born with the Easily Impressed and Hates the Outdoors traits!

For this kid, I let my younger sister come up with the name. She named him after the Phantom of Opera, and originally the title to this chapter was going to be "Look At Yourself in the Mirror", which is a song in the Phantom of the Opera or something, but, well, I just decided I didn't like it. Erik is a real cutie, though! Don always makes cute kids!

Alessi: Huh. Where did this little creature come from?
You. And also Don.
Alessi: That's impossible! I was never pregnant!
You just popped him out ten minutes ago!
Alessi: Doesn't ring a bell.
Okay, seriously, how long are you going to keep this up?!
Alessi: Until you say I don't have to raise this kid!
No! You HAVE to! It's part of the challenge!
Alessi: Oh, well, then he isn't mine!

1 comment: