Friday, April 18, 2014

Chapter Fifty One: Talking in Fancy

Erik: The brave astronaut, after traveling many miles to the surface of the moon, peered around, looking for any signs of life.

Erik: He suspected that there may be an alien living on this presumably lifeless space rock! All he had to do was find it.

Erik: And there it is! A real life alien! The brave astronaut needs to capture it at once and bring it home for emergency dissection!
Alessi: Get out of my way, Erik. I'm trying to catch Pinks!

Who's Pinks?
Alessi: It's what I've decided to name this darling little boy right here.
Um, Alessi, his name is Ryan.
Alessi: You get to name all the kids, Voice! I think, after like 35 kids, I should have the right to name at least one of them! And I want this one to be named Pinks!

Pinks: But Momma, I dun' wanna be named Pinks!
Alessi: Hush, child! It's a beautiful name!
Pinks: My name Ryan!
Alessi: No! It's Pinks! Don't listen to Voice! She's nothing but a stupid harpy!

Henry: Mama! Ish dark in here!
Alessi: Not now, Henry! I'm playing with Pinks!
Henry: Buuuut Mama! I'm scaaared!

You never change, do you?
Alessi: What does that mean?
You always have a favorite twin! And then you treat the other one horribly. 
Alessi: I just like Pinks. He's all pink and stuff.
What about Oliver and Orion?
Alessi: Who?
Those twins you had a while ago! They both had pink hair!
Alessi: Oh, right. Well, that was an ugly shade of pink! It was nearly purple! Pinks' hair is nicer!
You never cease to surprise me with your ridiculousness.
Alessi: Why, thank you!
Wanna go meet the next baby daddy now?
Alessi: Oh yes, it's about time I get some more woohoo! Can I bring Pinks with me?
That seems like a bad idea. I remember once when you brought Casper...
Alessi: But Pinks wants to come! Right, Pinks?
Pinks: My name Ryan!
Alessi: See! He's game!
Ugh, fine. Do whatever you want.
Alessi: Hurray!

Alessi: Voice, why is the ground all discolored and stuff?
It's called frost. It's new.
Alessi: Well, I don't like it. It's COLD!
Pinks: Momma, look at frost! It pretty!
Alessi: Shush, Pinks, you have no idea what you're talking about!

Alessi: Oh, great! Now it's RAINING!
Oh, just calm down. At least you made it to the baby daddy's house!
Alessi: Yeeeeaahhh.... Who is he? Is he hot?
Why don't you go find out? He's right over there.

Alessi: Ooooh! He's a looker!
Yep! His name is Nicky Hart. Now go play nice.
Alessi: Yeah, yeah, yeah

Nicky: Curses! My affinity for thyself has been thwarted momentarily by the precipitation currently falling upon the earth.
Alessi: Yeah, I hate the rain too. Except sometimes it makes my shirt wet, so that's pretty nice.

Nicky: Hark! Where thou come from, young dame?
Alessi: My house. I was sent here on a mission.
Nicky: A mission you say?
Alessi: Yes. I am to woo you, and have your children.
Nicky: Well, I do admit that I enjoy the presence of babies very much.
Alessi: You won't have to pay child support or anything.
Nicky: I wasn't planning on doing so, but that is welcome news nevertheless.
Alessi: Cool! Should we go to your bedroom now, or...
Nicky: I am sorry miss, but I am disinclined to accept your request for an affair.
Alessi: Err... What? I didn't quite catch that.
Nicky: I am rejecting you, miss.

Alessi: Oh come on! Why don't we go on inside out of the rain and talk this out?
Nicky: We can discuss things to your heart's content, but I have doubts that my thoughts will change on the matter
Alessi: We'll just see about that...

Alessi: So here we are. Out of the rain.
Nicky: I can see that.
Alessi: It's just you and me. In this house. Alone...
Pinks: Momma, who that man?
Nicky: You are promoting of version of the current events that are not currently taking place.
Alessi:... What?
Nicky: I apologize, I just mean to say that you are wrong. We aren't alone. There's an imp in the room.
Alessi: Who, Pinks? He's not an imp, he's a kid!

Alessi: He's a cute little kid, though, isn't he? All pink and stuff?
Nicky: He is a comely little mite.
Alessi: ...I have no idea what you just said. But I'm assuming you meant he's cute, right?
Nicky: Indeed I did.
Alessi: Why, you and I could make an adorable little baby just like that! Wouldn't that be fun?

Nicky: I do suppose it wouldn't be too bad to be a father.
Alessi: Yes, well, I'm gonna be the one to take care of it mostly. As per the rules.
Nicky: Oh my, that is even better!

Alessi: Awesome! You're on board! Pucker up, big guy!
Nicky: Nay! Nay, I say!

Alessi: Oh! What is it now?!
Nicky: My deepest apologies, but I'm just not sure that I am prepared for such an affair.
Alessi: You tease!
Nicky: It is only that it would be an improvement if perhaps we were both more romantic before commiting towards such a deviant activity, don't you agree?
Alessi: That's stupid. However, I both want and need you inside me, so I will play your games.

Alessi: Here! Flowers! Flowers are romantic!
Nicky: Oh my! They are lovely!

Alessi: And here! A relaxing shoulder massage!
Nicky: Oh! That feels delightful!
Alessi: And would you like to hear what I plan to do if you woohoo with me?
Nicky: Well, I suppose...
Alessi: Lean in closer.

Alessi: *censored*

Nicky: Oh my! Miss Alessi, I would certainly like for my body to brush against yours if the words you just spoke are the indeed the truth.
Alessi: Oh yes, I meant every one of them.
Nicky: That is most excellent!

And with that, Nicky let Alessi kiss him.

Before quite literally carrying her to his bedroom.

Alessi: Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
Nicky: Oh absolutely!

So, did you have fun?
Alessi: He talked weird. And he made me WORK for the woohoo! Like, what the heck?!
Some people have standards.
Alessi: Life is better when standards don't exist.
But standards keep you away from all the low quality stuff about life!
Alessi: But sometimes low quality stuff is fun!
Like mindless woohoo?
Alessi: Exactly!

Erik: Look, Malcolm, I told you a million times I am not giving you my tickets! And if you tell your dad like a little snitch, I'm going to trash you all over the internet! Don't think I won't do it!
Henry: I wuv you, babysitter! Will you adopt me?
Babysitter: No way, kid. This is just a job.
Henry: Aww...

Alessi: Erik! Get over here!
Erik: Huh? What?
Alessi: Geoffry just called me! He said you screwed his kid over!
Erik: You stupid ugly bear! I told you I didn't want to give him my tickets already, and you said not to worry about it!
Alessi: Yeah, well, I'm still mad at you! Go clean the toilet!
Erik: But why? It has nothing to do with anything at all!
Alessi: Cause I don't want to! Now GO!

Erik: *grumbling* Ugh.... Stupid Mom.... Ugly and nasty and rude... Gonna go live with Dad...

Erik: Alright Mom, I'm done.
Alessi: Done with what?
Erik: Cleaning the toilet like you asked!
Alessi: Oh right. That.
Erik: Am I still being punished?
Alessi: Huh? ...Oh, right. No. I'm too busy for that now.
Erik: Aren't you writing a sex book.
Alessi: It's hard work! I have to use my imagination and stuff
Erik: Why can't you just talk about stuff you've already done?
Alessi: I'm writing out my fantasies. Now, go away. I have to think.

Pinks: Haha! Momma, you silly!
Erik: Shut up, Pinks!
Pinks: My name Ryan!

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