Thursday, April 24, 2014

Chapter Fifty Two: Spooky Day

Don: So, you're pregnant again?
Alessi: Yep.
Don: And how many is this?
Alessi: I dunno. Somewhere in the thirties I think.
Don: Would you just leave me alone?!

Alessi: I'm getting real sick of this pregnancy thing, Don.
Don: Well, then stop getting pregnant!
Alessi: I can't. Voice won't let me.
Yeah! That's right!
Alessi: Shut up, I'm trying to have a social life!
Don: Um... Sorry?
Alessi: Oh! No, not you, Don! It's just that stupid Voice keeps on talking and it's sooo annoying!
Don: Oh. Alright then.
Alessi: I'm feeling peckish. I think I'm gonna go hijack someone's picnic. Wanna come?
Don: Nah. I'm not hungry.
Alessi: Pfft. Your loss.

Erik: See Dad! I told you that she's crazy!
Don: I know you did, buddy.
Erik: Can I come live with you now?!
Don: No way kid. Your mother may be nuts, but I'm a terrible parent.
Erik: No! No you aren't!
Don: Yes, yes I am, Erik! And frankly, I don't think you should be talking to your mother like that.
Erik: But Dad! She's INSANE! She hears Voices and talks to herself! It's ridiculous!
Don: She is still your mother, and she deserves your respect.

Don: Look, why don't you go eat some dinner with her? She's all alone and I think she'd like the company.
Erik: On the ground?! I don't wanna eat on the ground! Nature is so gross!
Don: Erik. Please.
Erik: *sigh* Fiiiiinnneee....

Malcolm: Hey!
Erik: Get out of my way, you stupid walking blob!
Malcolm: Your mom disrupted my family's meal!
Erik: Good. Now move. I'm supposed to be eating with her.
Malcolm: Not so fast, urchin. The price of admission is one sports ticket.
Erik: Seriously? Dude, I went to that game already. The tickets are gone.
Malcolm: Whaaa...?

Erik: And listen, if you don't let me by, I will smash your glasses over your face, and then shove your head into the ocean for five minutes and WATCH YOU DROWN!
Malcolm: I-I'm going to t-tell my father you said that!
Erik: You really think I care who you tell?
Malcolm: Uhm....

Malcolm ended up fleeing in terror, and Erik joined his mother on the ground. Don came over a minute or two later, so the three ended up having a lovely family moment.

Meanwhile, at home, the babysitter was hard at work taking care of the little ones.
Henry: I wuv you, babysitter. Will you be my girlfwiend?
Babysitter: Not a chance, kid.
Henry: But you so pwetty! And our hair match!
Babysitter: You're just a baby. It'll never work out.
Henry: I be big someday! Then you be my girlfwiend?
Babysitter: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Alessi: Oh Pinks! I'm hooome!
Babysitter: Oh, looks like I'm outta here. Seeya, kid.
Henry: No, no! Don't go! I wuv you!

What happened to the computer?
Alessi: I think I took my story of passion too far.
Oh lord. What did you do?!
Alessi: I was writing about Alfonzo's special moves.
Alessi: He's my dream guy. He has golden tan skin and long flowing hair and rippling muscles. Plus he's great in bed. Like really great.
I see.
Alessi: So great, in fact, that words couldn't describe it. So I tried other ways to express it.
W-What does that mean?
Alessi: It means doing certain things to a computer makes the keyboard burst into flames.
Erik: OH MY GOD!
Alessi: Huh? Oh, hi Erik.
Alessi: Why would you want to?
Alessi! You just traumatized your kid! Show some sympathy.
Alessi: Can't. Alfonzo likes me cold and rough

Alessi spent the entire night writing. After finishing her dirty novel, she moved on to writing a horror story.
Alessi: I called it "It's In My Head"
Oh wow. I wonder what that's about.
Alessi: I'm so glad you asked! 
I was being sarcastic
Alessi: It's about a beautiful, wonderful, charming, sexy, intelligent young woman who is forced to become a baby factory after a bug crawls up her ear and into her brain. It's based on a true story.
I am not a bug.
Alessi: Well, I'm not entirely sure what you look like.
Not a bug.
Alessi: I like to imagine you as a millipede. But then I get scared that there's a millipede in my head and then I imagine Alfonzo to make myself feel better.
Ew. Great. Thanks.

The next morning, Alessi aged up the kids, since she was pregnant and that's how this thing works.
Erik: I wish my dad could be here to see me become a teen.
Alessi: Well, he can't! He's at work.
Erik: Why can't I just age up later than?!
Alessi: Because we're doing this now! Now hurry up!
Alessi: Sounds like someone is just begging to clean the toilets again!

Erik aged up nicely. Don always produces cute babies. He gained the Loner trait.

Alessi: Alright Henry, it's party time!
Henry: Yay! Imma be a big boy!
Alessi: Yep. Now, I would rather we hurry this along. Pinks birthday is next and I'm excited to see him as a little pink child.
You are completely appalling.
Alessi: Appalling? Is that a word?
Yes! It means you are terrible! This is Henry's big moment!
Alessi: I wish it was Pinks big moment!

Alessi: Alright,  you, just age up here or whatever. I'm going to go grab Pinks!
Henry: Mama! I'm gonna be old enough to be babysitter's boyfriend!
Alessi: Oh, that's nice. You're taking after me in the romance department.
Oh geeze.

Henry: Here I come, babysitter!

Henry aged up SO CUTE! I dressed him a little like Indiana Jones, except without the hat and stuff. He is also the second of Alessi's kids to have glasses (I think). He gained the Neurotic trait.

I have never heard you sing before.
You sound terrible. Stop.

Erik: Yay! Happy birthday little pink freak!
Alessi: Shut up, Erik! Pinks is my most beautiful child!
Pinks: Momma, my name Ryan!
Alessi: No it's not, dear! Now, blow out your candles and make a wish!
Pinks: I wish you call me Ryan...

Henry: Oh, be careful Pinks! The cake might spontaneously combust!
Erik: I hope it does. Then it might take out Mom.

Pinks turned out cute as well! I forgot to write down his new trait, but oh well. Look, pink Mohawk!

Alessi: Hey, Pinks! Where are you going?
Pinks: Mom, my name is RYAN!
Alessi: You didn't answer my question.
Pinks: *sigh* Me and Henry and Erik are going out trick or treating!
Alessi: Trick or treating?
Pinks: Yeah! Cause it's Spooky Day!
Alessi: Spooky Day?
It's new.
Alessi: I hate all this new stuff, Voice! Make it stop!
You'll get used to all of it eventually. 
Alessi: I don't want to have to!

Erik took off ahead of his brothers to the closest house, which happened to belong to the Landgraabs.

However, no one was home to hand out candy, so Erik just stood fuming in the rain.

Henry: Erik? Erik, I wanna go home! It's too rainy to be doing this!
Pinks: Yeah, this is lame! We don't even have any costumes! Come on Henry, let's go!
Erik: No wait! Hang on guys! Let's just try one more house!
Henry: Can we wear costumes this time?
Erik: Sure, whatever.

The boys then spun into their Spooky Day costumes. Erik went as Jason from Friday the Thirteenth, and the twins both went as aliens. They took a cab to the Alto house, thinking that that since they're rich, they might have the big candy bars.

Erik: Hey! Jerks! Open the door and give us candy!
Henry: I don't see anyone, Erik. Should I get my telescope?
Pinks: I'm tired of this! I'm heading home. You coming, Henry?
Henry: Yeah, I guess.
Erik: Fine! Be that way you little shrimps! Go home and relax in your hammocks like pansies!
Henry: Come on, Erik. It's getting dark. You should get home too.
Erik: Yeah, yeah. I'll be home later. I just wanna knock down these people's trash can first.
Pinks: Okay, have fun.

After Erik knocked down the trash can and kicked over their gnomes, he was outraged to see who was walking up to his house
Erik: HEY! Aren't you a member of the Alto family?!
Holly: Unfortunately.
Erik: Why aren't you at home handing out candy?!
Holly: I wanted to go out trick or treating!
Erik: You ruined my Spooky Day! You witch!
Holly: Actually, I'm supposed to be a tiger.
Erik: Get outta here! If you aren't going to give me candy, I'm not going to give you candy!
Holly: Aw man...

Henry: Sooo.... What are we doing again?
Erik: Well, since trick or treating sucked, we're going to celebrate Spooky Day by watching Gray Day Nine.
Henry: Gray Day Nine?!
Pinks: What happened to one through eight?
Erik: Not gory enough. Trust me, this stuff is the best.
Alessi: Keep it down! I'm trying to be a famous writer!
Alessi: I'm not old! I'm beautiful and witty! You're just jealous!

Henry: Ummm.... Pinks... You wanna go play tag or...
Pinks: My name is Ryan! And shhh! Something bad's about to happen!
Henry: Oh... Erm, guys, I'm really tired. I think that I need to get some shut eye.
Erik: Oh yeah right! You're such a wimp, Henry!

Henry: Me?! A wimp?!
Erik: You're a wittle baby scaredy cat!
Henry: I am not! I'm just sleepy!
Erik: It's just a movie, Henry! Be a man!
Henry: I wish I was a man! Then I can go run off with the babysitter.
Erik: *laughs* You're so pathetic!
Pinks: Ah, just leave him alone! Come on, Henry. I'm sort of tired too.
Erik: *snorts* You two are such losers.

That night, Erik dreamed of destruction. It made him happy.

Alessi: Ow! Oh Voice, I hate this part so much!
Just breath through it. In, out, in out...

Geeze, sorry, I'm just trying to help!
Alessi: You've helped enough, don't you think?! After all, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be in labor with my, like, thirty eighth kid right now!
It's not your thirty eighth! And anyways, you should be good at this by now. You have enough experience.
Alessi: It still hurts, you know! It hurts a lot!

Alessi: Oh, I wish Alfonzo was here! He would take my pain away!
Oh please. What good would a sexy guy be while you are in labor?
Alessi: He would dance, and I would smile, and everything would be okay.
What, do you want to traumatize your kids the second they come out of the womb?!
Alessi: I wouldn't mind it, as long as Alfonzo was there to rock my world

Without a sexy dancing man being present, Alessi gave birth to baby #34, Clyde Bright

He was born with the traits Loner and Easily Impressed

Clyde is the first real progress we've had in the challenge for a while, since Erik and the twins were just replacements for the three kids that ceased to exist. So now we can officially move forward to accomplish the goal! Hurray!


  1. Hi! Found this blog through some blog jumping, and wow! I love it so far! Could you take a peek at my 100 Baby Challenge, too?

  2. Nooooooooooo!!!!!! This is the last post!!!!! Why???