Before we begin my "lovely" story (Note the quotes around lovely. Like literally I only just realized that people read this thing. Not that I would blame people for passing right by) I would like to make a quick announcement.
You ready for this?
Three of Alessi's beauties are in commited relationships!
I am happy that they did not take after their mom.
Here is our baby #2, Autumn Bright, and her fiance, VJ Alvi. These two have it made! Two youngsters living alone in a giant apartment building, plenty of money, deeply in love, and best of all, Alessi isn't around to ruin both their lives! Of course, to call this truly perfect you'd need to ignore the horrible traits they both possess, but hey, they are kind of a good looking couple... right?
Baby #6, Celio, and his girlfriend Kaylyn Langerak. And yes, THAT Kaylyn Langerak. I made her over, don't worry. But they are a very unique looking couple, aren't they? I kinda like them!
And, surprisingly enough, baby #7, Alicia Bright, who is my current favorite btw, is serious with Parker Langerak. This is funny to me, because Celio is Alicia's older brother, and he is dating Alicia's boyfriend's little sister. But still, Parker and Alicia are my favorite so far, though I suspect that it won't last, since I know that the pesky Commiment Issues trait will thwart me again!
So all and all, we have a really good chance of getting of grandbabies! And we have three new couples to fawn over! I think that I will call them.... VJutumn, Celyn, and Parlicia.
Okay, those names look a little awkward. I'll work on them, okay?!
And now, back to your reguardly scheduled baby-making ;-)
Hmmmm.... Maybe not. What is it with Alessi, always sleeping when she could be doing something important! But this time she is dreaming of teddy bears. Like that isn't weird at all...
Surprisingly enough, this simple act proves what a horrible mother she really is.
Exhibit A: Her teenage son skipping curfew to steal his mom's car and go make out with his girlfriend. And yes, the pink car does help with the whole bad boy image.
He seems to have developed some kind of a sense of right and wrong though, as before he even leaves his street he jumps out of the car and runs all the way back up the hill to get home.
Exhibit B: Dashiel being forced to use a filthy toilet. I mean COME ON, look at that thing! It looks like it will just sprout legs and walk away!
Dashiel: Eew! Why do we only have the one toilet? And why does it keep getting so dirty?!
Because your mom reproduces like a rabbit and pukes even more.
Dashiel: AHHH! IT'S LEAKING! DIRTY WATER! DIIIIRRRRRTTTTYYY WWAAATTTEEERRR!
That's the last straw!
Alessi: Eew! Tell me again why I have to do this?!
Cause you need a job around here.
Alessi: I have a job! Popping out little brats to keep you entertained!
That doesn't count.
Alessi: Well, what about my writing? My books are bestsellers!
I never read any of your stories, but I have a feeling that anyone who would buy them has no class.
Alessi: This is sooooo unfair!
Look, all I know is that Dashiel probably got some freaky STD from that toilet, and you haven't cleaned anything in a while, so quit your complaining!
Alessi: Oh great... Now you are making me clean up the frickin puddles!
Okay, listen up. I have a propostion for you.
Alessi: Oh what? Do I have to clean some more?
Well, yes, but then if you do it without complaint, you get to have some woohoo!
Alessi: I get... woohoo?
Alessi:... I LOVE YOU VOICE!
Well, I am a girl of my word, so as soon as Alessi was done cleaning up the bathroom, I sent Alessi down to a nearby beach house to meet the next daddy.
Alessi: Wow, look at this place! It's the perfect place to find some love!
Uhhhh no! You know the rules! Absolutely NO LOVE!
Alessi: Oh relax, Voice. I'm only interested in a one night stand.
Good, cause that's all you're getting!
Alessi: Yes! I can't believe that I'm getting woohoo!
What's not to believe about it? We've gone through this at least ten times.
Alessi: Yes, but it's great every single time!
What about the kids that come after the woohoo?
Alessi: Well yeah, they suck. But the woohoo is amaaaazing!
Here is our next daddy ladies and gentlemen, Josh Random. And yes, you are seeing this right. He did answer the door in his underwear.
Alessi: That's hot!
Alessi: Hi, I'm Alessi Bright.
Josh: Oh, Alessi. You're a pretty one, aint you?
Alessi: *giggling* Oh, you!
Josh: You wanna go in and woohoo!
However, Shane apparently cursed us, cause the second he and Alessi got inside, he raced right for the TV and put on.... The Romance Channel. Gee, you think he knows that if he goes down the hall, he will have his own little taste of romance?
Apparently not, because he looked a little peeved when I dragged him away from the television to go make a beautiful little baby with Alessi. I MEAN REALLY!
Alessi: Oh hey! There you are! You ready?
Josh: I don't know... I kinda wanna see how Billy is faring, and if Delia is stick suffering from cancer.
Alessi: .... You're talking about television, aren't you.
Josh: What else would I be talking about?
Alessi: Ummm.... Okay, listen, we... we will make this fast... Okay?
Josh: *sigh* Okay... okay, whatever.
Josh: Faster! Faster! Billy is in a hole in the ground!
Alessi: Okay, geeze!
Alessi: How was that?
Josh: It was a waste of time! I'm gonna go watch TV!
Meanwhile, Dane is at home, alone. The boys all went off to school, and they called the local sitter, AKA the one that got fired a while ago for neglecting Jazmyn and Alicia when they were...
Dane: Who that?
Dane: Who there?
No Dane sweetie, I'm not Mommy! I am the creator of your Mommy, and...
Dane: Mommy! Help me!
No Dane, don't do that!
Dane: Mommy, Mommy! There a ghostie in my woom!
Dane, please, no! I'm not a ghostie!
Dane: Mommy, pwease help me! There's a ghostie! There's a ghostie!
Babysitter: What's going on in here?!
Dane: There a ghostie in my woom!
Babysitter: Okay, look kid. Ghosts don't exist! And neither does Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or ELVIS! Shut your stupid little mouth, because I don't want to hear a peep from this room until your mother gets home. Now, GO TO BED!
Alessi: Oh Josh, you woohoo so good that I can't help but strut!
Josh: Whatever. Now get out of my house!
As soon as Alessi got home, she jumped right in to (I forced her to) teach Dane how to walk.
Alessi: Okay Danie, I'm going to let go of your hands, and then you're gonna walk to me. Okay?
Dane: But Mommy, the ghostie doesn't want me to walk!
But Dane, I DO want you to walk!
Dane: Mommy I hear Ghostie gan!
Alessi: Dane! I'm ashamed of you! There are no ghosts!
Well, I'm here.
Alessi: Shut up, Voice! You have nothing to do with this!
Alessi: Ugh, I feel sick.
After all this time, I'm shocked you haven't connected sickness with pregnancy!
Alessi: Say what now?
You are pregnant with a Random baby!
Alessi: Oooooohhhh.... I am really not feeling good now!
Alessi: Must I do that EVERY time?!
I don't see why not.
Alessi: Have you ever puked so much in your whole life?
I can proudly say, no, I have not!
Alessi: I hate you so much!